I miss his wit, his smile, his laugh, his compassion, his strength. I miss his phone calls, his voice. I miss being his mom. I will never learn to live life without him. I will always feel cheated out of every moment he is not with us, being a part of our day, creating more memories. I still try to live a life – but it just doesn’t feel right, he is still missing from that life. I try to make myself numb, to just not feel, but that only lasts for so long and then it hits. I know … Continue reading I miss my son

Sleep – for most people it is something that comes easy. They go to bed at a certain time at night and just fall asleep. Or they go to bed and to sleep when they are feeling tired – and they sleep. I haven’t been able to do that in 3 years and nine months – sleep is not something that comes easily, it usually doesn’t come at all, which really seems strange because most days I would love to sleep the day away – and forget. During the day I am faced with triggers everywhere, it doesn’t matter where … Continue reading Sleepless

I had gotten word that an  old coworkers son had passed. I wanted to reach out, but just couldn’t find the words. All I could put in the message to her was – I am sorry for your loss…… such a generic thing to say. The truth is that I wanted to tell her that all the things she will hear, things like it will be better in time, he is in a better place, you will find closure  – it’s all crap, there is no truth to any of it. I wanted to tell her that no matter how … Continue reading What do you say?