Remember that time?

There is never a time I don’t miss my son, never a moment when I don’t  think about him. I am blessed with beautiful, gifted people in my life that help me remember that he is right here with me, guiding me, still connected, just not in his earthly form. It helps knowing that, it brings me brief seconds of peace. But there are these moments, when a  simple Facebook memory reminds me that just three years ago today, me, my son and his son were out having dinner, out shopping together – before they went off to spend their weekend together. And it strikes me again … Continue reading Remember that time?

A Mothers Day

Mother’s Day. For me, a mother grieving the death of her child, this day is bittersweet. Of course I want to be with my surviving children, have the joy of being with them – but the pain of missing my son doesn’t ever go away. We have never been a holiday family, we never really had those must do traditions – we just kind of went with the flow. Since losing my son, some of the little things have become so much more needed, at least for me. But the day as a whole is so hard to face….there is that constant … Continue reading A Mothers Day

Breaking News….

For anyone but close friends and family – my son and his case that took place in St. Clair County is all but forgotten. In my opinion the criminal way people with brain disease are treated …it’s just heartbreaking. As I watched Ross Jones story tonight – I was sick to my stomach, and unable to stop crying. My heart is breaking for this family and all the other families suffering because of a system that doesn’t work, and shows no hope of being repaired. It should not be thi…s way. I was on Facebook the night this mans brother … Continue reading Breaking News….

What is the word?

I read this thing on Facebook – and I have an answer to the question..for me it is not only the right answer – but it is the only answer. The meme said: “A person who’s lost his or her parents is an orphan. A person who’s lost his wife is a widower. A person who’s lost her husband is a widow. A person who’s lost his or her child is… ?” The whole thing went on with posts from others saying there was no word in any language in the world, not one word in any language for a … Continue reading What is the word?

Happy Birthday Baby!

Today for everyone else it’s Easter – for me today is my youngest sons birthday. I struggled with the decision all week on what I should do. Do I celebrate without him, do I ignore it, sleep through it?? Bill is still my baby, it’s still his birthday. I am still his mom. It is still a day to celebrate his birth. It hurts to know that he will not be right here to have the day with us. It hurts knowing I can’t see his smile, hear his laugh…. Last year, I was still in what I call “the … Continue reading Happy Birthday Baby!

PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!!!

If you have read any of my blogs you know that I am trying to get through my grief, trying to find my way …I try not to get hurt or angry over every horrible thing I have had said to me – reminding myself that -Thank God the person saying these things has no clue. But I just read something someone said to a mom that has also lost a son….and well I just lost it…and now I am just stunned, angry, and well some people need to just shut up!!! So to those people that have stood by … Continue reading PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!!!

What Now?

I am in a nightmare…I want to run, but there is no where far enough away.. no place that I can go that doesn’t trigger a memory of my son. And the pain is joined by fear, of everything. I want to be where no one knows me, a place where people won’t look away. But I want to be around people that aren’t afraid to say my sons name, share a memory … I don’t know where my place is any more. My heart is broken into pieces…. The day my son left, everything I knew, everything I believed, … Continue reading What Now?